


Where the Outlines are Clear

by LeChatRouge673



Series: Cat's Song [19]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 20:26:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16271720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeChatRouge673/pseuds/LeChatRouge673
Summary: Takes place between chapters 40 and 41 of Songs Forgotten and Remembered.





	Where the Outlines are Clear

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place between chapters 40 and 41 of Songs Forgotten and Remembered.

_I can't see the stars anymore living here_   
_Let's go to the hills where the outlines are clear_   
_Bring on the wonder_   
_Bring on the song_   
_I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long._

-“Bring on the Wonder” by Susan Enan feat. Sarah McLachlan

 

* * *

 

 

It was the silence that was the most agonizing.

If either Cat or Thea would have said something, shouted at each other, sobbed, _anything_ , it would have alleviated the air of tension and quiet resentment that permeated the room. The silence was far worse. Nathaniel sat beside his fiancée, his arm around her shoulders, but he also held one of Thea’s trembling hands in his own from across the table. He had promised his best friend she would not have to deal with this alone anymore, and he intended to keep that promise. He owed her so much more than that.

Thea looked like the void. Nathaniel had not bothered asking when the last time she ate was; had already known he would not like the answer. The dark shadows under her eyes mirrored those that lay beneath Cat’s, and both women had obviously been crying recently. It had been two weeks since they had nearly all lost their lives at the hands of Nathaniel’s father. One week since Loghain Mac Tir had undergone the joining and been exiled to Montsimmard in Orlais. Cat and Thea had not spoken much. He and Cat had gone to Highever, to recover and to regroup. Thea had run away to the mountains somewhere. She had not told anyone where she had gone, and no one had dared to ask.

Cat felt betrayed, and rightfully so: the two women had been raised as sisters rather than the cousins they were by blood, and had shared a bond so deep Nathaniel had believed nothing could shatter it. He was no longer so certain.

“How long?”

The words were barely above a whisper, and the normally sweet tones of Cataline’s voice were jagged with hurt. Thea’s eyes were still downcast, and Nathaniel gave her hand a gentle squeeze of encouragement.

“A little over three years,” she finally admitted. “He ended things about a year after Cailan and Anora were married, shortly after Bryce and Eleanor handed more control of Seawolf and Steed to us. We both knew we would not be able to keep it a secret much longer.”

“Why?”

There were a million possibilities in the single word Cat spoke, yet Nate could tell Thea knew exactly what the other woman wanted. “Part of it was altruistic. You have always been under so much stress, Cat. The expectations on you have always been high, and finding out that Loghain and I were together… I did not want to add to that stress. Besides that, I knew you were still heartbroken over Nate disappearing. How could I be so happy in a relationship when you were still hurting?”

Thea finally looked up and met Cat’s unyielding gaze. “Part of it was selfish. I was not sure how you would react; how anyone would react. He has a reputation for being cold and cynical, which is such an incomplete and shallow understanding of who he is, but there you have it. I also was not certain how you would react to the age difference. I just wanted him to myself, for as long as it was possible.”

“Loghain was worried about how we would be perceived as well,” Thea continued, her voice quavering slightly. “He thought he was doing what was best for both of us, when he ended it. He honestly believed I deserved better, and that if we went public with our relationship, as would have been inevitable, I would be ostracized and judged. The asshole never stopped to ask me if _I_ gave a damn about any of that.”

“Why?” Cat repeated the inquiry, and Thea sighed.

“He believed we had responsibilities to other people; to the country. We had made a promise to each other, when we took what we had beyond friendship, that when one of us decided it was time to step away, we would respect that decision. We wanted to hold onto that friendship, so badly.” There were tears running down Thea’s cheeks now, and beneath the warmth of his arm, Nathaniel could feel Cat shaking slightly.

“You loved him.”

Thea nodded slowly. “Yes, Cataline. I loved him. If he had asked me… if he had asked me, I would have married him. In a heartbeat. If Nora is to believed, he had intended to, before everything happened. So yes. I loved him.”

Cat exhaled slowly, and Nathaniel was almost surprised to feel the tension bleeding from her back and shoulders. “You still do.”

Her cousin’s eyes fell to the table, and Nathaniel could hear her choke back a sob before she finally answered.

“Yes.”

 “Does Cullen know?”

Thea’s head snapped up, and a familiar spark of defiance had returned to her eyes. “Cullen has always known,” she replied sharply. “Think what you want of me, Cataline, but he and I have never been anything but honest with each other. I am not the only one who came into this with baggage and my heart half gone. We knew what we were doing.” She paused, her shoulders slumping forward and her entire spirit seeming to fade. “We both knew we were making a mistake. But we loved each other, in our own way. I didn’t want to live my life waiting for a man I thought no longer wanted me, and he didn’t want to continue living in the shadow of a dead woman. We rushed, and then we settled, and now…” Thea shrugged weakly.

Cat leaned back, pinching the bridge of her nose. It was a common gesture between the two of them, and Nathaniel wondered who had picked it up from whom. Finally, Cat stood and walked over to the other side of the table, taking Thea’s free hand in her own and gently tilting Thea’s face up to look at her. “What happens now, Teddy Girl?” She asked quietly, all the bitterness gone from her voice, and in its place only a muted sadness.

Thea gave a weak shrug. “Nothing you are going to like, Catkin,” she whispered. “I have lived the last three years believing that Loghain left because he did not love me anymore. I have tried to move on. Now, knowing that he never stopped loving me any more than I stopped loving him… I have to decide what I want to do with that knowledge. And I have to consider how my actions will affect you.”

The room fell back into silence for what felt like an eternity. Nathaniel was watching Cataline closely, trying to read the flood of emotions that were vying for priority behind her normally serene violet eyes. When she finally spoke, it was not what he expected.

“You were happy with him, weren’t you?” Cataline asked. “Happier than I had ever seen you, and I did not even realize it until suddenly that spark was gone. I should have asked you then; should have pressed the issue.”

Thea shook her head. “I am not sure I would have been ready to tell you,” she admitted. “But I am done keeping secrets, Cat. Whatever happens next... you will know. Even if it means you hate me.”

“Oh Thea,” Cat leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her cousin as Thea’s head fell forward against her shoulder. “I could never hate you. I love you, and I just want you to be happy.” She leaned back, but kept her hands on Thea’s shoulders, looking her straight in the eye. “He really fucked up, Thea.”

“Trust me, Catkin,” Thea sighed, “I know. I also know Rendon was behind a lot of it, giving him really bad advice and pulling strings Loghain knew nothing about. That still leaves plenty of blame at his feet, mind you, but at least he was acting with good intentions.”

“Which I agree counts for something, at least,” Cat conceded. “Honestly, when I found out what Cailan was about to do to Anora, I nearly lost it as well. I cannot even begin to imagine what that did to Loghain. I still do not believe that absolves him-.”

“Neither do I,” Thea interrupted. “And he is going to spend the rest of his life paying for the mistakes he has made; the _choices_ he made. But I need you to know, and believe me when I say, he had nothing to do with what happened to Bryce and Eleanor.”

Cat managed a small smile. “I know, Thea. If there was even a shadow of a doubt there, I know you would not have forgiven him.”

“My father’s records were extensive,” Nathaniel finally spoke up. “He had his fingers in a lot of pies, so to speak, and there was no question he orchestrated those murders all on his own.”

They were quiet for a moment, until finally Cataline gently repeated her earlier question. “Thea. What happens now?”

Thea took a deep breath before she replied, her voice still shaking slightly but her tone certain. “Now, we plan your wedding. You and Nathaniel are going to have an absolutely perfect day and I will personally destroy anyone or anything that tries to stop it. Cullen and I… Cullen and I are discussing what happens going forward. Nothing will change until after your wedding, Cat, I promise, but- ” Thea shrugged helplessly.

“Oh Thea,” Cat pulled her back into her arms, softly rubbing Thea’s back as the younger woman finally allowed herself to cry against her cousin’s shoulder. “I just want you to be happy. I saw the way Loghain Mac Tir looked at you, Teddy Girl. And I saw the way you looked at him. If this is what you want,” Cat paused, and looked to Nathaniel. He gave her a small smile, and a gentle one of her own bloomed over her face. “Thea, if this is what you want, if _he_ is what you want, then… then we will figure it out.”

Thea looked up, and Nathaniel handed her a tissue to dry her eyes. “Catkin,” she whispered, “I’m so sorry. I should have told you.”

“You are damn right you should have told me,” Cat retorted, but she was still smiling. “It is going to take me some time, you know. This is a lot to take in, especially after everything that has happened.”

Thea nodded slowly. “I know. But it means the world to me that you are willing to try.”

Nathaniel watched as Cat reached out and gently took Thea’s left forearm in her own, running her thumb over the newest tattoo: the wyvern sigil of Gwaren. The same wyvern that graced Thea’s locket, the contents of which she had finally shared with them. “It is not going to be easy,” Cat observed.

Thea glanced over at Nathaniel, then took one of his hands in hers while the other reached for Cat. Whatever else may come, at least now, they had each other.

“It will not be easy. But it will be worth it.”

 


End file.
